You should get out and find a man, or a woman, but preferably someone of the opposite sex.
Because you should get married by a certain age deemed appropriate by your parents, but inevitably before you are ready.
You should also have children. Soon, because it’s better to be a young mum or dad than an old mum or dad.
You should have more than one kid, but less than five because that’s just a ridiculous number.
And, if female, when you have finished giving birth, you should breast feed and devote all your attention to your child and feed them organic foods and be mindful not spiteful but also think about returning to work or not returning to work (whatever is trendy in the neighbourhood you live in) and also find time to lose that baby weight, haha! Oh you haven’t given birth yet? Or found yourself a partner?
Well you need to get out more.
Spend eight hours at work, at least five days a week, possibly more if you want to be considered worthy of respect. You should spend the rest of your free time meeting new people in social gatherings that make you nervous while drinking alcohol but (not too much) and wearing alluring yet “appropriate” attire. Don’t do online dating because stigma, but do do online dating if it’s trendy in your area, but overall basically do whatever you can to find yourself a man, or woman, but preferably someone of the opposite sex.
With the last few remaining hours of your free time you need to spend 30 minutes per day doing moderate exercise – try the gym, you’ll meet new people! You should probably spend at least another hour a day on meal prep because healthy, organic, protein-rich and carb-free meals take time to make, and you’re probably going to ruin at least one batch crying into your saucepan because the pizza cravings are so intense. But it’s okay because you’ll feel better after a lovely eight hour sleep, right after you clean up the day’s mess, take off the make-up you have to wear (only if you’re a woman of course) have a shower, wash your hair, exfoliate, shave, moisturise, rinse, brush your teeth, floss your teeth, mouthwash your teeth, squeeze those spots you shouldn’t have and perfectly blow dry your hair.
What’s that? Only six hours before you need to be up for work? That’s okay, let’s learn to function on 4 hours sleep! You need extra time to enrich your mind: read one book a week, start learning a new language, engage in a hobby, go to an art gallery, practice some mindfulness and do some yoga. The yoga especially, it’ll help you focus on what’s really important like the amount of money you should have or the career you should always be working towards. Top tip, if you turn on the news while yoga-ing, you can multi-task and form opinions from a selection of curated options because you have to be informed, educated and on-top of the game. Speaking of, have you decided what your personal identity is yet? Because the world has all these forms in it and you just need to decide decisively NOW before the age of seventeen what’s your gender, sexual orientation, goal profession, religious view, hair colour, BMI, favourite colour and football team?
Let’s not get sidetracked, have you finished ironing, washing, bleaching, sewing, sweeping, rearranging, disinfecting, unloading, vacuuming, dusting, wiping, waxing, retiling, resurfacing and reupholstering your abode yet? Like you should? Good.
So you’ve got one whole hour of free time left, just about. And let’s face it, you need that time to worry about not being good enough. That you’re not doing enough at work, that you’ll never climb the corporate ladder high enough to secure that mortgage you need for that family you need. You need to worry that you’ll fail to find the love you must have, that you’re not the size you need to be, wearing the clothes you have to look good in. You need to worry that you’re not happy enough. Not good enough.
You shouldn’t be enough. You should be more than enough. You should be worthy. Of the box we want to place you in. Along with every other person of your gender, colour, age, and nationality. The box is where you should be. It should be where you want to be.
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